- I think I am the most appropriate women to answer this as I am a Sikh women married to a Muslim man for last 28 yrs in the state of Madhya Pradesh. We got married in year 1990. For understandable reasons you can excuse me for not coming up with my real name as being a mother of one daughter and son at this age I would like to keep my identity intact. But I have to tell my story and I think this is the most appropriate forum to make my views public.
We are two sisters only and younger one is married to a Hindu man, it all started from me as I did my thing of marrying my ‘love’ hence it became difficult for parents to say no to my younger sister for another inter-faith marriage as she too went ahead with marrying her love.
Before marriage I had this thinking that the only thing which matters is understanding not religion, and it’s love which matters the most in an instituion like marriage. The time when I got married I still remember the impact which the bollywood movie ‘Dil’ (1990 Amir-Madhuri starrer) made on both of us love birds, deep in love with each other, swearing to be with each other in bad times and promising never to leave. AND ON THE TOP RESPECTING EACH OTHER’S BELIEF. Every tadka was there in our love story.
It was a battle that I had to fight with my parents to make them believe that my love (would be husband) will be a good man who will keep me happy. They agreed reluctantly. He was always open minded and always had liberal views, I just knew that he does his prayers on and off but he is not a staunch follower of his religion quite similar was my situation. We had been seeing each other since our college days. But now he has changed.
You can see my answer as a very practical advice to all my future generations (non-Muslim girls) who are like my daughters. But I don’t intend to.
MY LIFE
To be honest, only after some years of marriage I came to know that you can never be a Sikh (or for that matter a Hindu/Jain etc etc) for rest of your life if you are married to a Muslim. You have to change your name and faith ‘officially’ may be after some years, yes in India no one can force us women but Muslims have another way of doing it by presenting dawah in my case a psychological and social pressure was made on me and finally I had to give in. When we are young things like religion, faith doesn’t matter much but once your life goes on and you bear children, sometimes difficulties come the need to fallback on religion, faith or god always arises.
Same thing started happening with us both. When our daughter was born my husband wanted her to be given a muslim name and when my son was born his penis was circumcized, everything I had to accept despite not agreeing with it my wishes were never ever honoured and the typical reaction that I get from Muslim females (some who are close to me in my froend circle) ‘Aise hi hota hai’ (It is like this only) ‘Isme kaunsi badi baat hai’ (What’s so big about it)
As a child I was always brought up as a Sikh hence I use to have waheguru word on my lips when I referred to God but after some years even that became like ‘banned’ from our house and I was advised to say ‘Ya rabb or Ya Allah’ It irritated me really when I was prompted for that. BTW let me tell you after children my husband joined family business and my in laws started living with us. This led to more Islamization of my children whom I always dreamt of brining up as liberal and open minded human beings.
Unfortunately things are not like you always expect, the dreams of my family being ideal example of ‘secular’ has fallen flat.
At this stage of life sometimes I desire my children to learn about Sikhism and the history related to us and also want them to read the epic mythologies of India and open up their mind but heck everything is considered as ‘anti-islam’ in my mother in law’s and to some extent in my husband’s eyes.
Contrast this with my Sister
Despite marrying a Hindu man her one son is more closer to Sikhism (by his own interest with no one objecting to it) although he hasn’t grown his hairs but he goes to Gurudwara regularly and does the paath as per Sikhism the other son isn’t much into this and TO MY SURPRISE NONE OBJECTS IN HER FAMILY (surprise in contrast with my family) Her son despite being my son’s cousin is not liked much by my family because of ‘religion’ and my son is always advised to keep at distance from his company because he is seen as ‘too religious’.
My son’s views about Sikhs
‘Ammi, I admire Sikhs a lot but they have done a lot of damage to us muslims in many ways historically moreover you cannot consider Guru Nanak as prophet, bowing in front of book is shirk, please never tell me or force me to get into your faith in any way’ What all a mother can do? Cry, isn’t it..
Hypocrisy of my Husband
And last I like to point out hypocrisy of my own husband, few nights back only just mentioned a point that ‘in case’ if our daughter finds a good match who is a non-muslim we must go ahead afterall our marriage was also inter-religious. That led to so much anger from my husband that I got a ‘Slap’ for this gustaakhi? Don’t be shocked it is normal as per Islam, beating a wife slightly you know.+++(4)+++ I was reminded about this by my mother in law only whom I complained.
However this never means that I have been tortured by my family or I have been forcefully been converted but as far as experience is concerned I must say that no matter whatever your heart says when you are young but Religion does matter and plays important role in the life in case of husband happens to be a Muslim. This is a fact. Hypocrisy is very prevalent because Girls are always adviced to never marry a non-muslim but boys are never advised like that.
Another matter of the fact is you need to keep check on your children that they never fall into any kind of Jihadi propaganda. That’s another serious matter of concern, at the same time it also pains to see them suffering the taunts of the society as a Muslim. My son sometimes tells me in frustration that he wants to leave India but then I ask him ‘Son, which place you intend to go’ till now I never recieved a convincing answer from him.
P.S: An honest answer and story of mine never intended to hurt anyone.