Dowry

In the strictest terms, this word is used
in modern Indian society to designate
any wealth transferred from the bride’s
family to the groom’s as a condition for
the marriage to occur. As with most
marriages around the world, Hindu
marriages often involve giving gifts to
the couple, but Indians themselves draw
distinctions between different categories of gifts. It is customary for the
bride’s parents to give her gifts of clothing and jewelry for her wedding, according to their means. This practice is
attested in the dharma literature’s (text
on religious duty) description of the
Brahma marriage. This is one of the
eight recognized ways to perform a marriage and describes the bride as richly
adorned. These gifts are her personal
property, and serve both to give the
bride some wealth of her own and as a
last resort for the family. It is also common for the bride’s family to give gifts to
the groom and his family, of which the
greatest is the “gift of a virgin”
(kanyadan), i.e., the bride herself. In
many cases, the newlyweds also receive
gifts from other relatives, particularly
when they are setting up a household.
Both of these sorts of gifts carry no stigma in Indian society and in the popular
mind are not considered “dowry.”
Unfortunately, not all wedding “gifts”
fall into these categories. Most marriages in India are still arranged by the
parents, who are operating under differing imperatives. For the bride’s parents,
marrying off their daughter is a religious
duty, which is over and above their natural inclination to provide for their
daughter. This gives the groom’s parents
a distinct advantage, since they “take”
the bride, and this advantage can give
rise to ugly and even tragic situations.
The parents of a young man with a
promising career can usually expect
larger and richer gifts from the bride’s
family, since her future will be more
secure. In many cases these gifts are neither asked for nor negotiated, but simply given as part of the exchange
between two families of equal status. In
the worst cases, the groom’s family presents a list of demands, which the bride’s
family is expected to fulfill as a condition for the marriage. Given the pressure
to marry off their daughters, the bride’s
parents may promise more than they are
actually able to “deliver.” One consequence of this failure is the much-publicized dowry deaths, in which the bride
is killed.
Most decent people in India recoil at
the notion of “selling” their sons to the
highest bidder, or of using his marriage
as an opportunity for the family to get
rich. At the same time, it is generally
accepted that marrying one’s daughter
will entail considerable effort and
expenditure, and that at her wedding
one should give appropriate gifts. It is
from these assumptions that the evils of
dowry stem, and can be exploited by
unscrupulous people.